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# my history, pt 2
- URL: https://why-im-so-angry-all-the-time.ghost.io/my-history-pt-2/
- Published: 2026-10-15T20:30:27.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-15T20:30:27.000Z
- Author: lavkian

the first part of my family history focused entirely on my mother's side of my family, because it's the side of my family i know the most about. my father has never been a part of my life; while we lived with my grandma for awhile when i was very young, my mother was the only person who raised me. that said, i do know some things about my father's side of my family.

my mother and father met in college, but there was never a relationship. i was the result of a one night stand, and my father was dating someone that wasn't my mom. those are the circumstances of my conception. according to my mom, she didn't even tell him immediately because he was also physically abusive with his then partner.

i first met my father when i was 13\. he married a filipina woman and had two kids with her; yes, i have two half-siblings that look absolutely nothing like me. they were very young, about 7 and 3 at the time, and while i was getting to know my father for the first time, my baby sister completely unlaced my tennis shoes, which is still very sweet to think about.

we flew from portland to san diego to meet him. when we flew back, my father would occasionally call or send letters, but i more or less immediately found myself unable to process this stranger who wanted to be part of my life again. one year i got a christmas card with my dad, step-mom, and two siblings in matching christmas outfits, which is just surreal.

[Driver high on meth in fatal Poway crash gets 10 yearsBy Kelly Wheeler(CNS) – A man who admitted being high on methamphetamine when he ran a red light and crashed his car into a Poway fire truck, killing his 19-year-old passenger, was sentenced Monday to 10 years in prison.Robbie…![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/51/0c/510c4596-27a2-4de3-9da0-a68f037ec928/content/images/icon/favicon-70ccfd33-f1ab-4fcf-b717-ec7e2d84dbc9.png)San Diego Union-TribuneContributed Content and Staff Reports![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/51/0c/510c4596-27a2-4de3-9da0-a68f037ec928/content/images/thumbnail/00000169-699b-da6f-abeb-7fbb81100001-d56110bf-7b5f-44f8-948e-4ec4005b8f73.jpg)](https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/2014/03/03/driver-high-on-meth-in-fatal-poway-crash-gets-10-years/?ref=why-im-so-angry-all-the-time.ghost.io)

when i was 26, i got a message on facebook from my brother. our father had gotten into a car accident, a woman was dead, and he was going to prison. i should note that at some point before this happened, our dad also messaged me on facebook while on a meth bender, unable to contain whatever was in his head and with nowhere else to direct it.

that winter i accepted a job in china, and while preparing for the trip, an opportunity to visit my siblings presented itself. i spent a week in san diego hanging out with my brother and sister, now adults, and honestly pretty fucking rad people. my sister has a vibrancy for life that is rare to find in people these days. but on that trip, i visited my dad in prison, just because i felt like i should.

at the time, i'd been working nights at a convenience store in deep southeast portland, where heroin and meth users are a regular occurrence. i have absolutely zero judgment and immense empathy for addicts, however, the extent to which drugs simply destroy your body is undeniable, and i was not prepared for my father to look exactly like one of those shambling, animated corpses on the other side of a visitation booth. but that was my father.

i spent the rest of that vacation with my awesome siblings, then flew back home and continued preparing for my job in china. i maintained contact with them over the years and have visited them twice since, but i do not maintain any sort of contact with my father at all. he is a broken man, a stranger who gave me nothing but a stubborn hairline and a terribly wired brain.

we talk about triggers in our society. truly, for me, the biggest trigger is just seeing someone having a healthy relationship with either of their parents. being able to receive love, warmth, physical touch, these very intrinsic, basic things that people truly take for granted. from the moment i was brought into this world, i had neither.

there's another stroke painting another smoking crater. part 3 soon. thanks for reading.